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Aenonar

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Tuesday, March 20th 2012, 6:42pm

Funny (real) stories

So, today was my 2nd day at my new job. Right at the end of the day I had some spare time, so I started packing a minivan (pretty poor state..) with stuff for tomorrow. When I was going to drive it out and park it I found the spot blocked by someone else, so I was instructed to park it by the side of the building instead.

So I parked it, put it in 1st gear and skipped the handbreak like they always do. Then went out and locked the door (broken lock, can only lock from passenger side, although unlock from both). Then I went around back and jumped in to reorganize the stowing a bit. Just when I was done I felt a slight sway, looked out and noticed everything getting smaller...

Oh shit oh shit oh I must be rolling!!!

So I quickly jump out and yep, the car has somehow jumped out of gear and is now rolling out onto the street, perfectly blocking both lanes.

So I run to the driver seat and pull the handle, ah shit, I locked it! Key.. key.. key! Where is the bloody key?! Must have left it in the back! So I quickly run back and find the key laying on a shelf, quickly run back and drive it back onto the sidewalk, put it back in 1st gear and pull the handbreak HARD.


Thankfully only one person saw me, and no cars came... But that person must have gotten quite a laugh seeing me jump out from the back and running saying "shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!", tugging on the door handle and then running back and jump back in ->:P-


And when I got back in I met the boss who asked "Did everything go well?" so I just replied "Yup." and went back to work -:P-

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Nick 30075

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Tuesday, March 20th 2012, 8:17pm

Re: Funny (real) stories

In the anime society at VT, the computer that we had hooked up to the projector broke so we had to borrow one from a club member.

He hooked it up and then had to wait about five minutes before the anime we were planning to watch finished being copied to his laptop. During those five minutes, we spent a lot of time laughing his expense that he had desktop shortcuts for all of his <well, you can guess this part.> I still don't think he's heard the end of it.
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(the album in question)


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Thursday, April 5th 2012, 7:37pm

Re: Funny (real) stories

I was visiting my parents in the country, and I got hopelessly lost. I pulled over to look at my map (old school me) got my bearings and turned right about 150m away, and drove through a village. I felt thirsty, and there was a village shop, so I stopped my car to get some water. I parked it, took my seatbelt off, opened the door, and stepped out of the car.
I had got out into a ditch!!! I had to haul my legs out of the mud by pulling on the door handle, while some farmers laughed at me from across the road outside the local pub.
I got my water an drove away.
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Dice

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Monday, April 16th 2012, 4:38am

Re: Funny (real) stories

I went a few years ago with a mate to buy an album. I wanted to get a copy of the 99 Red balloons cover by Goldfinger. Anyway to cut a long story short after looking for 20 min and finding nothing my mate walks into the store with lunch, calls me over and hands me the album. The title. Open your eyes....

Oscar

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Thursday, June 21st 2012, 12:52am

My friends and I were in a bus to a nearby town. One of us does it for the lols and dares any of.uso to do the same route as the bus but in bicycle (41km). One of my friends, Daniel, who had just woken before getting into the bus goes and says: hey in bus is 41km but in the bike it takes more time so maybe its 100km in bike. Lols were had.

Other one, same.protagonist:
We're.walking in the street when 2 hot chicks pass by, Daniel turns to peek, but trips over and falls. The hotties notice it and do the typical girly laugh. Daniel suddenly gets up, punches Ivan in the stomach and yells "I dare ya to.push me.again!"

Oh our beta male. He is so funny at times hahaha
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Friday, June 29th 2012, 7:06pm

I was playing finnish baseball and i was the first batter of the game. I like to trash talk to players who are smaller than me, so i shouted to pitcher that he would give me a low pitch, cos i like to hit home runs from low pitches. Actually i had hit a home run only once in my life, so some of my team mates started to laugh. The first pitch was low, and i hit a home run, which caused really good laughs to all who heard what i shouted earlier :D

Another good one was when one of my friends was the last batter of our team with empty bases (you have to get at least 2 runs in one player cycle to start a new cycle in finnish baseball) and he decided to point to the backfield with his finger. In finnish baseball, if you are the last batter, to achieve a home run you with bad pitches, you have to get 3 balls/bad pitches (pitching in finnish baseball is much easier than in american version, but there is around 20 technical things that can be wrong). I had never seen anyone to hit a home run in that situation, or any pitcher who had given a home run with bad pitches. But then the impossible happened: pitcher gave 3 bad pitches and we got a free home run out of it :D


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Friday, June 29th 2012, 10:49pm

This is my life. This is what I DO almost everyday. My philosphy, Live Life To The FULLEST. Here's my story:


It was my Junior Year in Foothill Highschool. A Rich, Suburban, 80%+ White Highschool at the heart of East Bay in relation to San Francisco. There was 1 week left of School and I was ready to get out for Summer, then ultimately become a Senior. In reality, I was already a Senior at heart since Sophmore year when my disease, Senioritis, was already taking over me. This practically started when I had made friends with all of the Upperclass man and was treated like a Senior. Because of this, I would often be in charge of the School pranks, jokes, and troubles.

Anyways, by this time everyone was ready to get off to Summer. Students just lounged around and chatter incessantly about their plans for the 3-Month Break. Foothill, like many other Highschools had a ritual of a food fight at the 4th last day of our Term during lunch (next 3 days there is no lunch). It was crazy, thousands of kids would start hurling around burritos, water, oranges, and whatever they could find as the Campus Security scurried around in their Golf Carts trying to stop the mayhem. This year, the food fight would have a very big surprise. I was a popular guy and knew the whole school and often was the leader for such mischief. I gathered a select few of my friends, football/lacrosse guys, and devised a plan of destruction. Now, I was really really good friends with the Senior class, I dated a lot of them too, but even so, Senior vs. Junior was usually the competition. I didn't want to get outdone, nor did I want to lose a food fight. I knew that Seniors also don't want to get suspended because they feared of not graduating, especially during this year when the Administration become so much more strict and enforcing. So during the Lunch Food Fight, they wouldn't be able to go all out.

My plan was simple. Get 2 crews of people of 3 man teams. 2 Spotters. Each 3 man team carried a Water Balloon Slingshot. Not a small one, a HUGE 3-man slingshot; it wasn't the cheapy kind either. A lot of time you get these 3-man Slingshots that are somewhat cheap at the local Sports Store. But no, This was the heavy-duty and strong kind, made of 2x Surgical Tubing (standard is x1) and laid out to over 7 feet + without stretching it. Believe me, this was made for launching stuff FAR! It was the .50-Cal of launchers, able to shoot over-sized water balloons/objects. 2 tall people would hold each side of the massive Slingshot while one loaded the Slingshot while it was being pulled back and then launched at an angle for maximum distance. Seriously, the 2 tall jocks that stood and held the ends would literally have to fully lean forward and put all their weight in the front. Because, it was THAT Strong/Big. In the end, It was capable of launching solid objects to 3 football fields. Pure devastation.

I was already known for my Water Balloon Slingshot as during top/biggest Football games which were being broadcasted over ESPN (HS Edition), me and some friends would go to a special spot in a neighborhood and start launching water balloons at the game, hitting the Visiting Team's Fans, Players, and even some Camera men. It would create chaos. But I loved it. Having water balloons nailing Players in the back/head during a broadcasted football was awesome and attention worthy. Fans would start looking around and then MOBS of PEOPLE eventually would try to chase us down. That's how bad it got...

Enough history. I gathered my 2 teams. Our mission, to do an Artillery Strike on the Seniors/People during the chaos of the Foodfights. We were going to positioned on higher ground, 1.5 Football Field away, and in the back-side of school where no one would see us. During the crazy fight, all administration staff would be at the ground level and not trying to find us. We perfected our plan. Scouting out the best spots and detailing our objectives. We were prepared. We made about 60 Water Balloons. They would be transported via car and into the Parking lot. Before the fight we would transport the water balloons in a sealed bag/slingshots in backpacks. We would have a spotter on a cellphone near the ground level tell us how our shots were hitting to the other Spotter who was with us and tell us how to adjust our aiming. It was the perfect plan. The crew was experienced, I was experienced. We all could launch objects at a rate of about 1 every 3 seconds. And our aim was decent. We all knew the exact plan and were ready. This was all kept in secrecy. One leak and the Administration could be on our asses (shown before). That night before the mission we all talked and laughed on how awesome this was going to be. A hail of over-sized Water Balloons from an unknown position...they were right. It was going to be Awesome.

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Friday, June 29th 2012, 10:50pm

Next day.

I was so excited. I couldn't even contain the excitement. People were all talking about the food fight and how crazy it's going to be. I laughed inside, they didn't know what was coming.

It's lunch time! My crew and I scrambled to get all the equipment in place. We could barely glimpse the oversized crowds in the middle of Lunch Area Lawn, all huddled, ready to start hurling stuff at other people at the any moment. My team and I chilled at the spot for a little and just waited around to see if anyone was around. There was no one. We start unpacking our stuff and propped them on the floor. Our spotters called each other and established a good communication. Nothing was happening yet. All of a sudden the Spotter started talking frantically. People at the lunch area were gathering their food in preparation to throw it. Also, people started grouping up tighter and yelling could be heard among the Juniors, Seniors, Sophs.

Are they starting yet?
No. They are about to, any second.

I was like, fuck it. Let's launch and start this. We assembled everything and put on all white hoodies and draped them over our heads. Just in case if we were caught and had to run. I had the role of pulling back the massive sling-shots. It took all my weight and I put the first water balloon in. The other 3-man team did the same. We told the Spotter we were going to fire anyways. I judged where the huge crowds would be, then I let go, and saw the Water Balloon fly away into a crowd.

I couldn't see the water balloon explode from the position we were in, but I saw the heads of people suddenly scatter and run into all places. Right that second we could see food being thrown all over the place hitting students, while the other students dispersed like little ants. Spotter quietly said, you hit the dead center in a group! Haha, it was on. We heard screaming and yelling down below as we launched more and more balloons. From what I heard, Some of them would miss, other times we hit kids in the back. The force was said to be so great that the kid that were hit would almost fall over from the impact. So would hit dead center in a group of girls and hear the effect of wild screams. We all began to laugh. This was awesome. The spotter described it as pure chaos. People were running everywhere throwing food. My friend described it as War. People running everywhere, yelling, confusion, food was flying everywhere, and every second a huge water balloon would land and blow up in a group of kids or on a single person. It was hilarious.

The Seniors formed a big group off to the side and were throwing stuff back. We decided to exclusively target them as per our original plan. By then we had a total of about 30 balloons. We decided to do some rapid shots and get all the balloons off within a minute. We corrected the aim, fired a test shot, our spotter confirmed it was good and we let loose a barrage of 3-pound water balloons. This time, I could see the heads of the Seniors. The bloons landed right on the edge and middle of the group and blew up. People freaked out and suddenly started looking around. We quickly launched about 4 more and had hit about 3 Seniors before they started moving away. They were confused. They were looking around to who was shooting these massive water balloons! As they looked around another hail of Balloons hit them. It was like the movies when the Artillery hits the soldiers. Some of them were hit square in the back and were knocked down. One was hit in the chest and tripped over to the ground.

We all were laughing as our Spotters described the carnage. The food fight was still in pretty good effect. By now about 5 minutes had passed. The Seniors were all hit for the most part, directly or by splash as they all literally were running away from the lunch area. Misson Completed. By now the Administration was starting to grab people and consequently suspend them. We decided it was a good idea to go. We packed up and started walking to our cars again through the back way when one of MY TEACHERS comes up behind us and starts yelling.

HEY YOU THERE COME BACK

Oh shit, WE RAN.

Luckily we had our hoodies on he couldn't tell who I was personally. He was one of my favorite teachers too lol but he was bigger, older, and slower. We out ran him easily and quickly took off our hoodies and dumped them into the garbage can. We knew if we had go to the parking lot they would of checked the cameras. All that was left over were the 2 Launchers in our bags hidden underneath our P.E. clothes. So we felt comfortable and the next logical thing was to blend in with the lunch crowd. When we got there, food littered the whole area. It was crazy. After a couple of minutes the Bell rang and we just all looked at each other and laughed. Mission Completed.

I later on went to the Staff Office (I knew all of the staff very well and was well-liked) to just chat with the people there (hang-out spot) as the class I was in didn't have anything planned. I was sitting down and I remember very clearly a group of girls and some guys walk in. My friends and Seniors, with drenched in water. Their backs had distinctive marks of a water balloon. I said hi to them and asked them what happened. They angrily said, some idiots/assholes were launching Water Balloons at us. I was like...oh damn really? I'm sorry! My teacher also walked in and was talking to the Campus Security in the background. I wonder why lol.

That made my whole Junior year.

^ My [Gun Lover's] Sig (Type It In): 945k+ Hits! // Still Fixing KDR... // Current KDR Avg: 2.5~3.0
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Sao

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Saturday, June 30th 2012, 12:07am

TL;DR

On an exercise a few winters back I was on Stag (while on Phase 1 Training) with a mate at about 0300. Casually freezing our brass knuckles off (balls) and moaning about how cold life is and we actually signed up for this, James (the other guy on with me) Noticed movement with the CWS (very very bad Night vision scope at long ranges in no light situations (apart from that its amazing)) at about 50 metres. Mind it was pitch black and I was struggling to even see my breath in the air!

Needless to say I say its probally a rabbit and panics (like a boss) and shouts down the radio 'STAND TO! STAND TO!'

So everyone bursts out of the tents, including those on sleep shifts (so boxers, boots, webbing and weapon) ran out to the perdetermined positions. Only for me to say false alarm, its a bunny rabbit (by now people where already taking th piss out of him).

Needless to say in the morning (so about 0900 once the sun had risen) he was made to dress up as a bunny rabbit as the exercise had finished and we got to beast him around the sector. Mega fucking lols to see a grown man in not much more than bunny ears being stared and laughed at buy about 200+ people!

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Saturday, June 30th 2012, 5:37pm

TL;DR

On an exercise a few winters back I was on Stag (while on Phase 1 Training) with a mate at about 0300. Casually freezing our brass knuckles off (balls) and moaning about how cold life is and we actually signed up for this, James (the other guy on with me) Noticed movement with the CWS (very very bad Night vision scope at long ranges in no light situations (apart from that its amazing)) at about 50 metres. Mind it was pitch black and I was struggling to even see my breath in the air!

Needless to say I say its probally a rabbit and panics (like a boss) and shouts down the radio 'STAND TO! STAND TO!'

So everyone bursts out of the tents, including those on sleep shifts (so boxers, boots, webbing and weapon) ran out to the perdetermined positions. Only for me to say false alarm, its a bunny rabbit (by now people where already taking th piss out of him).

Needless to say in the morning (so about 0900 once the sun had risen) he was made to dress up as a bunny rabbit as the exercise had finished and we got to beast him around the sector. Mega fucking lols to see a grown man in not much more than bunny ears being stared and laughed at buy about 200+ people!

That reminds me of my first week in an artillery base in Afghan. There were some quite simple guys on the perimeter. We were all woken up to the shouts of "STAND TO, STAND TO!!" and some gunfire, before the guys on the searchlights got to their positions and spotted 6 women in Niqabs going to the well (about 70m away from our defences) going for early morning water. He said they looked like Taliban or ninjas through his night sight.
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