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## What made you howl with laughter?

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I'll be there... around every corner... in every empty room...

Posts: 3,446

Date of registration
: Nov 8th 2013

Platform: PC

Location: Boston's Trashcan, USA

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 14

Wednesday, February 12th 2014, 10:38pm

### Quoted from "ToTheSun!"

Well, this is very conflicting information. We're made believe they're gay, but that gingerbread man is, very obviously, a heterosexual pedophile.
Disinformation like this is a clear sign of the declining state of humanity, can we trust no one these days?
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

### Quoted from "Spectacle"

I once tried to burn a bridge, but due to the half-assed levolution implementation it kept standing up just fine.

### Quoted from "DeathOfTheDodo"

Compared to the MTAR, the PDR has the TTK of your average pack of cigarettes.

The World Champion, on the Tactical Light:

### Quoted from "The World Champion"

"Oh don't mind me, I'm just out of ammo and I'll just POCKET SUN!!!!"

### Quoted from "Sheepnub"

What can't be changed can be banned.

### Quoted from "Gummybear"

I'm completely serious. Well, seriously insane actually

### Quoted from "xESxMaver1ck911"

If only more people left the wheel chair, adjustable hospital bed, and crutches behind and played HC. (aka Regen, Minimap, Killcam)

### Quoted from "hunturk"

Natalia Poklonskaya:
Putin the cute in prosecute since 2014.

### Quoted from "DeathOfTheDodo"

I can't look at my own avatar without having to pee. GG Me. GG.

### Quoted from "DeathOfTheDodo"

I swear to god if you reply with a picture of the AEK I'll mail you a buttplug shaped like one.

### Quoted from "Nick 30075"

The one time when "it's only three inches" is a good thing.

### Quoted from "RRR3186"

How do you guys control your FAMAS burst length since it fires its mag in just 1,5 seconds))
I consider each magazine a burst. :/

### Quoted from "ViperFTW"

This is Symthic, we don't do "feels" around here

Moderator

Posts: 440

Date of registration
: Apr 14th 2012

Platform: PC

Location: Germany

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 12

Friday, February 14th 2014, 7:03pm

Just saw this.

### Quoted

September 22, 2013

In early 2035, the thirty-fourth year of the war against Al Qaeda, the Pentagon issued a White Paper saying that the F22 Raptor, the front-line fighter plane of the United States, was nearing the end of its useful life and needed to be replaced. Not everyone agreed. Various budget-cutting organizations argued that the Raptor had never been used and thus no one could tell whether it had a useful life. Anyway, the job of the Air Force, killing third-world peasants and their families, had been co-opted by drones. America didn´t need a new fighter, said the critics.

The Air Force countered that the new plane would look feral and make loud, exciting noises. To this, critics could find no rejoinder. Design studies began.

An early question was what to call the new fighter. By tradition, aircraft were named after aggressive but unintelligent birds (F-15 Eagle, F16 Fighting Falcon), unpleasant animals (AH-1 Cobra, F-18 Hornet) ghosts (F-4 Phantom, AC-130 Spectre) or Stone Age nomads (AH-64 Apache). However, something with more pizzazz was needed to get funding through Congress.

Discussion ensued. Suggestions were solicited from The Building, as the Pentagon calls itself. These ran from “F-40 Screaming Kerblam” to the politically marginal “Horrendous Dyke,” whose author believed that it would depress enemy fliers. Going with zoological tradition, the Air Force wanted to call it the Rabid Bat. A congressional wag weary of military price tags suggested “Priscilla,” because that no pilot would then go near it and the country would be spared the expense of wars. (His idea of painting it in floral patterns was not taken seriously.)

A national transgender- advocacy group favored “Susan B. Anthony,” but this was held to be disrespectful of Ebonics, and in any event Anthony might be Susan. It was hard to tell about these things.

The Air Force prevailed. The Rabid Bat was born.

Squabbling over specifications immediately began. Lockheed-Martin and Boeing Military Aircraft, both expected to bid, wanted a cruising speed of Mach 13, as this was technically impossible and would allow them to do lucrative design work until the entropic death of the solar system. A time-honored principle of governmental contraction is that if you are paid to solve a problem, the last thing you want is to succeed, because you then stop getting paid. This explains the anti-ballistic-missile program, racial policy, and Congress.

The matter of social consciousness arose. Half of fighter pilots were women, as prescribed by law in 2016. To facilitate gender equity, a bracket in the pilot´s seat was mandated, to hold a telephone book for the flier to sit on so she could see out the windshield. Since many pilots were single moms, the design included a drop-down changing table in the cockpit.

These gender-friendly measures were championed by Dacowits, who is not a Polish mathematician but the Defense Advisory Committee on Women in the Services. These ladies subscribe to the principle that if a thing weighs more than twenty pounds, it ought to be left on the damned truck.

All buttons and switches on the Rabid Bat were to be labeled in English, Spanish, Choctaw, and Tloxyproctyl. This latter was the language of an obscure tribe of seven primitives in the Amazon rain forest. Tloxyproctyl consisted of seven words, none of which meant anything. The tribe had been discovered when one of its members, named Wunxputl, had fallen into the Atlantic atop a log and washed up on Miami Beach. Thinking that an airliner he saw must be God, he enlisted in the Air Force. The EOST (Ethnic Outreach and Sensitivity Training) program had done the rest.

Secondary considerations were next addressed, such as speed, range, armament, and stealth. Critics again pointed out that none of these mattered, sinceAfghan weddings and lightly armed peasants could be blown up more cheaply with drones, which in any event were more agile than great honking piloted fighters. In fact Reytheon was working on wedding-recognition software, which went swimmingly and was only 1700% over budget. A maverick in congress suggested that the Rabid Bats be lined up on a runway and used as planters for geraniums, but was not taken seriously.

Lockheed-Martin said that the price of the program would only be about $987 billion, a steal. Historically-minded critics predicted that after the program was too far along to be abandoned, Lockheed-Martin would discover that the price would be…heh…rather more. This is a standard part of military contracting, with its own accounting category. A prototype was duly built. Early flight trials began. It was then discovered by the investigative reporter Nickolas Fervently of the New York Times that due to a design error, the guns of the Rabid Bat pointed backward. A redesign, his sources had told him, would cost about$345 billion.

A flap ensued. It sufficiently threatened the flow of funds that Lockheed´s CEO, E. Johnston Farad, called a press conference. “It is necessary to understand the truly revolutionary nature of this aircraft,” he said, “It is so stealthy that the enemy will not detect the Rabid Bat until it has dropped its bomb load. Consequently it will only use its guns to fire backward at a pursuing enemy.” Congress was so impressed by this advance that it increased the buy by forty aircraft.

Critics persisted in pointing out that the Rabid Bat was simply unnecessary. Moslem goat-herders were already being efficiently slaughtered by psychopaths sitting at screens in the CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia. Lockheed responded that by pure happenstance, parts for the plane were to be manufactured in all fifty states, creating jobs. The plane was thus seen by all fifty governors to be essential to national security.

Reporter Fervently of the NYT looked suspiciously at the massive plant being built in West Virginia to make special tires for the plane. Production would be 431 tires per Rabid Bat per year. He wrote a column suggesting that the Rabid Bat would be the first combat eighteen-wheeler. He was dismissed as a crank. Surely, said Lockheed, it never hurt to have enough tires.

Conservative senators replied that Fervently obviously hated America and wanted it conquered and enslaved by enemies surrounding the country. Fervently pointed out that the United States was surrounded by Mexico, Canada, and two oceans. Mexico would not conquer America and thus disrupt its biggest drug market, and Canadians needed overflight rights to Cancun in winter. These considerations ensured amity.

The noted military scholar Damian Isby at the Rand Corporation circulated an eyes-only paper saying that the military irrelevance of the Rabid Bat was vital to the health of the defense industry and thus to national security. To the arms makers, he said, victory and defeat were equally odious, as both reduced the purchase of weaponry. A good war was an interminable war. The Rabid Bat , having no military purpose, would not upset the balance with the Taliban, and would thus keep America free.

Serial production began. The Republic was safe.
Bro of Oscar, the gentleman ninja

### Quoted

[22:09:20] Failure117: Legion: Tank Expert and Pokemon Afficianado

[16:21:16] Oscar Perez Lijo: In soviet russia legion is top poster

Suidae cathexis

Posts: 9,736

Date of registration
: Jul 1st 2012

Platform: PC

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, United Kingdom

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 20

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 8:15pm

@hunturk
@Rizn-Nuke

I can't fucking breathe through laughing too much!
My skill in a tank is apparently so fucking high it transcends the physical laws of space and time and makes shit like THIS happen

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wipe off the entire can of Irn-Bru I sprayed over my monitor whilst laughing

Everybody's Favourite Worthless Support and LMG Fan!

Song currently stuck in my head is: Red Cold River by Breaking Benjamin!

first!!! denied...

Posts: 603

Date of registration
: Dec 8th 2011

Platform: PC

Location: Undisclosed but alive

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 7

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 8:30pm

### Quoted from "ViperFTW"

@hunturk
@Rizn-Nuke

I can't fucking breathe through laughing too much!
My skill in a tank is apparently so fucking high it transcends the physical laws of space and time and makes shit like THIS happen

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wipe off the entire can of Irn-Bru I sprayed over my monitor whilst laughing

For his next amazing trick he will turn all enemy guns into rubber chickens... and his and his allied guns into M60s firing M60s and M60 grenades... Mark my words... this is exactly what happens when you give Viper that kind of power

Bullets may have your name on them, but shrapnel is addressed "to whom it may concern"

### Quoted from "ViperFTW"

"Pff, c'mon. You know I'm like the crazy homeless man who lives in the postbox, everyone ignores me but I'M GONNA KEEP TALKING ABOUT SHIT ANYWAYS DD"

### Spoiler

"I don't think I've ever moved THAT fast xD. Next time a bear's chasing me say he'll hack my acount if he catches me xDD" -Vip3rFTW

### Quoted from "ViperFTW"

I've sat and came up with 3 theories about your PC, Rizn.
1) Its constructed by Satan and every so often it'll crash to a Red Screen that just says "Another must fall", which is your queue to go out, find a virgin, kill her and pour the blood over the beating-heart-like processor within
3) (My sister's idea) Its powered by the core of the Earth and is, as a direct result, responsible for climate change. Your PC being able to run the BF4 beta without crashing/lagging will destroy humanity

This post has been edited 2 times, last edit by "Rizn-Nuke" (Feb 15th 2014, 10:15pm)

Up and down. Bounce all around

Posts: 3,100

Date of registration
: Apr 15th 2013

Platform: PC

Location: Sweden

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 15

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 11:31pm

@ViperFTW

HOW?!

### Quoted from "NoctyrneSAGA"

It really is quite frustrating when Helen Keller sets up her LMG in the only doorway in/out of an area.

### Quoted from "Watcher-45"

What kind of question is that? Since when is cheese ever a bad idea?

### Quoted from "LeGarcon"

Hardline is a fun and sometimes silly Cops and Robbers sorta thing and I think that's great. Or it would be if it didn't suck.

Unhappy Camper

Posts: 1,384

Date of registration
: Feb 13th 2012

Platform: PC

Location: Europe

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 14

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 11:36pm

### Quoted from "J0hn-Stuart-Mill"

EMPOWER EMPOWER EMPOWER

Posts: 49

Date of registration
: Oct 5th 2013

Platform: PC

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 6

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 11:39pm

### Quoted from "Darktan13"

i approve!

You can't stop the Smooze!

Posts: 2,351

Date of registration
: Mar 16th 2013

Platform: 360

Location: ~/

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 12

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 11:40pm

Pony sheet now, seriously?

...pls no...

Suidae cathexis

Posts: 9,736

Date of registration
: Jul 1st 2012

Platform: PC

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, United Kingdom

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 20

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 11:49pm

### Quoted from "C0llis"

@ViperFTW

HOW?!

Looks like some of Rizn's Power rubbed off on me

Everybody's Favourite Worthless Support and LMG Fan!

Song currently stuck in my head is: Red Cold River by Breaking Benjamin!

Unhappy Camper

Posts: 1,384

Date of registration
: Feb 13th 2012

Platform: PC

Location: Europe

Battlelog:

Reputation modifier: 14

Saturday, February 15th 2014, 11:55pm

Hmm?

I don't complain about your taste in media that makes you laugh, why do so?

This isn't the thread for this kind of discussion, and to be honest, I would love it if I never felt the need to have it. I enjoy it, it makes me laugh, you enjoy things, they make you laugh. cannot we just laugh together without stupid bullshit?

this and the above Maveco post are offtopic however, so I won't continue. Hit me up in a separate thread or IRC or PMs or TS if you really must carry on.

### Quoted from "J0hn-Stuart-Mill"

EMPOWER EMPOWER EMPOWER

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